Mebmerica

Every four years a handful of people are lucky enough to represent their country at the Olympic Games – actually scratch that, because luck has nothing to do with it. They get to the Games through dedication, hard work, determination, and a bunch of other terms most of us rarely aspire to. This year Meb will AGAIN be one of them, after cruising to victory at the US Olympic Marathon Trials in Houston.

Congrats to Meb, Abdi, and Hall, and hopefully one of them will be bringing back hardware this summer.

Also thank you to First Run Magazine, for the awesome pictures below. Check their site for a bunch of other great pictures of the first Olympians of the year.

Many were unsure how Meb’s gifts of speed and endurance would translate on the NASCAR circuit. While he was obviously a competitor he was only 120 pounds and not a car. By turn three Elliot Sadler and the number 38 car would realize it was a mistake they would regret.

Many people believe the Puritans came to the New World to escape religious persecution. That’s a total lie. Meb brought his run group over on the Mayflower because when was the last time a Brit male distance runner did anything competitively? As soon as he arrived he befriended the natives by inviting them to a Turkey Trot 5k Fun Run, and hence Thanksgiving was born. True story.

I didn’t paint this but if I did I’d consider myself the greaest painter in the history of the earth. If this was any more visually stunning my eyes would begin bleeding. I cried the first five times I saw this then ran a 2:45 marathon while draped in a flag. True story.

Historians disagree on how many hundreds of Mebs were dropped on Nazi Germany. We do know that once on the ground they overwhelmed the inferrior German distance program with endurance and speed. Take that Luftwaffe.

Some people think the moon landing was staged. Those are probably the same people who think Meb’s not American. Those people suck.  Fact is, when they landed on the lunar surface Meb was up there doing high altitude training. And they were all like, “Damn Meb you’re not even supposed to be born yet!” And he was all like, “Get to steppin’ Neil Armstrong”! and then he did a Fartlek workout.

You  know who hates America? Ivan Drago. He looooovessss the roids, and the seven foot chick that Flavor Flav was dating, but that Russki hates the democracy. Same way I hate people who are intolerant of other cultures – and foriegners. Meb loves this country so he was all like “I trained with logs you filthy Red,” and dropped Drago like Little Mac dropped Soda Popinski in Tysons Punch Out.

Meb was all about to do a cool down and Grant Wood was all like, “Meb? Meeeeeeeeeebbbbbbb? Let me paint you?” And Meb was all like, “Damn you Grant Wood I just did mile repeats!” And Grant Wood was all like, “Mebbbbbbbbbb!?!” Then a crazy white chick popped out of nowhere and Grant Wood painted the heck out of them. Later that day Meb did a hill workout.

This site is not just about classy photoshops. It’s about Meb. In keeping with that here’s an article and Meb speaking. WORDS. In english. Americans LOVE english!

Read a little more here – unless you’re a communist or something.